Rats. They taste like chicken. In fact, at several hundred dollars a kabob, they taste like corn-fed kosher chicken.
In November 2009, the first attack began. Like many wars, it began with a sneak attack against an unsuspecting and unprepared people. The commando-rat snuck its way into otherwise peaceful "terrytory" and took out the heart of the logistics hub. The Jeep was completely disabled. Towed for repair it was, and the crankshaft position sensor cable was replaced. Did I say "heart"? No, this is the very spleen of the vehicle; utterly impossible to get at for repair.
Problem fixed, $266; cause unknown... only that the crankshaft position sensor wires had been cut.
Two mornings later; the Jeep is disabled again! Repair, $80 (no troubleshooting necessary, no towing fee charged); cause unknown. It's curious that the line could break so cleanly, so the mechanic spliced in some extra line to keep it from "breaking".
Another few days later and the Jeep is disabled again! Okay, now things are getting very suspicious. I make the repair myself this time and I fashion a metal shield around the area that always gets damaged. Parts-only repair, $40. Two days later and it's out of commission yet again! This time the cable break is clearly chewed, and it's chewed just past the metal shield. The "rat theory" had been starting to surface, and now I decided it was confirmed. Parts only, another $40.
A very clean cut from the first attack... how could these wires be cut? The Jeep is lifeless as space debris with these wires cut.
Frayed wire from the second attack... possible chafing under the vehicle.
Three crankshaft position sensors in a week! Suspicions of the enemy are all but confirmed.
Four surgical strikes against the logistics system by an unseen enemy... now it's time to mine the battlefield! I set out the traps and a motion sensor... sure enough at 0430 the sensor goes off and I get the stinking culprit! Score: Rats 3, Humans 1. Problem solved; rat dead.
And now Ray was ratted out... Ray had been training his Jihad rat for months and immediately recognized "Ralphie" in the pictures. He nurtured it by hand as a small rattling, feeding it only Jeep crankshaft position sensors for sustenance. And I quote, "I've been caught. I worked for months training these rats to chew wires, but not just any wires, they had to know exactly which wire to chew. Not only the training regiment, but their teeth, sharpening their teeth was a skill best left to professionals. They hated that part.” And then the motivation became clear, "For a small fee, I have rats trained in the repair of hard to reach wiring."
Well, Ray... I have a gift for you. It should be arriving in the mail within a few days...
Three disabled Jeep events and one dead rat!
"A little present for you, Commander."
Sure, they're all cute and fuzzy until your vehicle doesn't start three times in a week!
Barely a year goes by and little do we know a sequel is in the works so soon. One unsuspecting morning I try to start the Jeep and nothing! The rats are back! I immediately launch into action with the rat traps, but no, these rats are smarter and no one-man rat attack on a rat path is going to stop the onslaught. The rats don't want cheese. The rats don't want peanut butter. The rats don't want string. No, crankshaft position sensors are the rat crack cocaine!
They take out the Jeep four more times, and I've only managed collateral damage with an innocent bird. Rats: 7, Humans: 1, Birds: -1. The media doves are in a flap and my conventional forces are a flop. It's time to go nuclear...
Rats. It's a bird... poor guy!
Four more crankshaft position sensors rat-bite the dust.
The attacks are more vicious with chewage from one end to the other.
My counter-attack is multi-pronged. I set out the rat snap traps and a new electric rat zapper. Then, I outfit my new crankshaft position sensor wire with a sheath of stainless steel braid; no rat is going to chew its way through this! But the masterpiece is my custom 5000 volt rat zapping line of death! Inspiration struck and I bought a 5000 volt electric fence zapper. However, rather than putting one path through ground so the shock effect was minimal, I opted for a full 5000 volt charge between the lines, waiting only for a rat to complete the circuit. Of course, with all the little lizards, birds and other "friendlies" in the area, my line of death needed some discrimination. I bought a timer and programmed it for 2300 to 0500, which I knew to be prime rat attack time and sleep time for the friendlies. I didn't have to wait long...
My stainless steel solution; the last line of defense in a mult-layered defense in depth.
The new kill zone... a double section of high voltage rat-zapping aluminum tape.
Pure satisfaction! Yes, it worked! (The extra line of tape was an interim test section.)
This is the upgrade to copper tape for a more aesthetic approach over the aluminum tape.
In fact, the system is flawless against all troublesome night critters that might invade the Jeep!
The payoff! Rat kabobs for dinner! Mmmmm!!
What started a long, long time ago, has now been finished. The war has been won. Eagles and Eagle Drivers... we kill our adversaries and then eat them.